Today It Hurts

There are some things in life you just don’t think about. You don’t contemplate what it will be like if x,y, and z happen. Is it naive? Probably. Definitely. But that is where I find myself now. Wishing I was still in the land of the naive.

I watched my parents lose their grandparents (at 14, so I fully comprehended what was happening), I’ve watched my husband lose his grandmother, my friends have lost grandparents, and yet I refused to acknowledge that one day I would be the one in the pew. So here I am, 29 years old, with both sets of grandparents. These people came to everything. They were at soccer games, dance recitals, basketball games that I cheered at, graduations, wedding showers, weddings, births of great grandchildren, birthdays, Christmas, etc. I’ve never had to do life without them. I can’t tell you how many times Papa told Joe that he wasn’t afraid to go back to prison if he ever hurt me (this man has never been to prison). He always tells me he is proud of me. He loves my daughter. He loves her so much that even though he hasn’t been able to speak in nearly a year he knows exactly who she is and she knows exactly who he is. Last weekend he was not even really awake and yet when Becca said Papa! he smiled.

Loss is hard. And as the days pass, then the weeks, and eventually the years, it will get easier. The absence won’t be so sharp and the tears will come less. But today I am losing a grandparent. And today it hurts.

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“When I get where I’m going
On the far side of the sky
The first thing that I’m gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly

I’m gonna land beside a lion
And run my fingers through his mane
Or I might find out what it’s like
To ride a drop of rain

I’m gonna walk with my grand daddy
And he’ll match me step for step
And I’ll tell him how I missed him
Every minute since he left
Then I’ll hug his neck

But when I get where I’m going
And I see my maker’s face
I’ll stand forever in the light
Of his amazing grace

Yeah when I get where I’m going
There’ll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years
And I’ll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
Yeah when I get where I’m going
Don’t cry for me down here”

-George Teren and Rivers Rutherford

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New Website

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I have a completed website!! I’m so excited that I now have a website up and running! I also am now a member of the International Association of Professional Birth Photographers. This means that if anyone is looking for a birth photographer I am listed at birthphotographers.com. This tool is great for anyone in search of a photographer. Just plug in your area and it will show you the registered members in the area.

Here is the link to my website: jessicanothumphotography.com

Click here for my listing on birth photographers.com

St. Louis Vaca

A few weeks ago Becca and I went to St. Louis to stay with Joe’s family for a few days. He was off hunting in Idaho so us girls were on our own. We had THE BEST time! I think I saw more of St. Louis than I ever have, and we’ve been married for almost 6 years! The first day we were there we went to the Magic House. It is a Children’s Museum. They had so many fun things to do. Becca liked the water table area and the younger kids play are the best. She walked through the grocery store area but wasn’t terribly interested yet. The veterinarian area was fun because she looked at all of the stuffed dogs and cats and wanted to love on all of those. As she gets older that will definitely be a place for us to go again!

The next day we went to Grant’s Farm. To enter, you take a ride through the deer park. She was doing everything she could to get off the train and play with those deer! Once we got into the Tier Garten she had just as much fun as she did on the train. She played with goats, got to see elephants, and almost got bit by a camel (way to go mom!). We also got to see the Anheuser-Busch clydesdales. They were beautiful.

The last full day we were there, I went to the outlet malls with my sister-in-law while Becca went to a petting zoo with Grandma and Pops! She had a great time and so did I! The trip finished off with a walk around Ikea and some Cheesecake Factory cheesecake. It was a great trip and I’m so glad we got the opportunity to spend some time in St. Louis!